Logic?

I was talking on the phone to Leanne today. I was taking multitasking to dangerous new level when Kenly walked in with a wad of wet toilet tissue. I should have sensed that something was wrong at that moment.

Me: Kenly, what are you doing?

Kenly: Nothing. (Alarm bells should have gone off, but I continued my conversation.)

A few minutes pass when Kenly walks in and asks for a towel.
Me: Did you make a mess?

Kenly: Not really. It's just water. (For some reason, I still don't seem concerned. Probably because I was talking to my good friend.)

 Flashback to 7:00 AM. I remember giving Kenly a water bottle to drink out of for the day. She woke up feeling poorly, so I wanted her to drink water like crazy. I suddenly remember chasing my friends in high school having massive water fights with the very type of water bottle I gave my toddler. I start to get nervous, but I still don't get off the phone. I walk into her room to investigate, expecting nothing more than a spill. What do I find? Kenly is entertaining herself by squirting water into her shoes.

 Me: Kenly Shae Brand. What on earth are you doing? (still holding the phone while Leanne waits patiently) Get in time out right now.

 I still don't get off the phone. I take two dress shoes that contain enough water to have become swimming pools for her Polly Pockets to the sink.  I pour the water from both shoes into the kitchen sink.   I wrap up my conversation quickly.

 Me:  (to Kenly) What on earth were you thinking? Why were you squirting water in your shoes?

Kenly: I was just trying to keep my feet cool.

 Three year old logic never fails to shock and amaze me.

The Power of Prayer

The other day Kenly was playing with a set of Melissa and Doug horses that Pops got her for Christmas. She named one of the horses Molly. She was playing in bed while I was sitting in the recliner. This is how the scene unfolds.

K: Mommy, Molly's foot is hurting. That's why she is holding it up.
Me: I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope Molly's foot feels better.
K: I think I should pray for her foot.
Me: I think that would be a really good idea.
K: (Kenly closes her eyes, folds her hands and begins to mumble under her breath.) Dear God, Please help Molly's foot to feel better. Amen.
Me: Kenly, that was really sweet of you to pray for Molly. God likes to hear our prayers.
K: (filled with great enthusiasm) Mommy, Molly's foot feels so much better.
Me: That is great. Prayer really does work.
K: (raising one hand toward heaven) PRAISE THE LORD!

Logical

Tonight Adam and I were sitting around talking since we've been apart since Friday. Kenly was entertaining us with her comments and dance moves. I tried a new dress on her, and it triggered her need to be naked. The child loves to run around in her birthday suit. The scene opens with Kenly wearing nothing but a headband and some pink Hello Kitty socks. Here's how it all went down...

Me: Kenly, you have to wear something besides your socks and a headband. You're Hello Kitty socks look really funny when you're naked.

(Kenly disappear in the general directions of her room. We hear rustling that prompts investigation.)

Me: Kenly, what are you doing?

Kenly: I'm getting my woolly socks.

Me: Why?

Kenly: (she's struggling to put on a pair of wools socks) You said the Hello Kitty socks looked funny, so I'm putting on my woolly socks.

Adam and I are both rolling in laughter by this point. Our child is so logical. I said the socks looked funny, so surely another pair of socks will look better.
Needless to say, Kenly finally put on a pair of underwear and we got so see her rock out to The Wheels on the Bus wearing nothing but wool socks, cherry underwear, and a frilly headband.

Kenlyisms

Kenly has been cracking us up with some of her funny sayings. She is so verbal and so imaginative that I sometimes forget that she's only two. She mispronounces a few words and we love to use those mispronunciations ourselves.

mapkin=napkin
Hummus=Thomas (as in the train)

She's also adopted a few cute phrases. I frequently hear her ask, "Can you put this in the refrigerator for after later?"

I also love how she refers to past events. She'll say, "We went to the park last day."

She's also adopted a few phrases that Adam and I use with frequency. It is funny and humbling to hear myself when Kenly speaks. I'll hear her ask, "Let's play with Play-Doh. Okay, guys?

She'll also frequently offer me a bite to eat from her snack cup. When I politely decline, she'll say, "Okay, but you're missing out."

Her imagination is developing at a rapid pace. I think she has an imaginary friend now. She frequently talks about a a little girl named Corelay. At one point Corelay was a baby in her belly, but she left to go to another person's belly because she was too wiggly. Corelay most recently went to Nana and Papa's house to get out of the rain. Kenly also told me that Corelay is the most beautifulest girl she's ever seen.

She's also started concocting stories. On the way home from lunch with Adam, Kenly started rubbing her eyes. When I asked what was wrong, this is what I heard...

Kenly: I'm just getting the yucky stuff out of my eyes. Don't worry. I threw the yucky stuff in the trees.

Me: What kind of yucky stuff was in your eyes?

Kenly: Seaweed.

Me: How did you get seaweed in your eyes?

Kenly: Nana and Papa threw it in my eyes. It wasn't very nice. They should say they are sorry.

Needless to say, I got on the phone with Nana and Papa to ask them to apologize for putting yucky stuff in my girl's eyes. We all had a good laugh. I can't wait to hear the other amazing tales I'm sure she'll be spinning.

Public Service Announcement

I was looking up an address on the computer while Kenly was playing on the bed behind me. I felt her small hands on my shoulders as her head leaned against mine.

Kenly: (in a whisper) Pst! I have an important message for you.
Me: Oh yeah. What's that?
Kenly: (still whispering) I love you so much!

Nothing like a two year old to make your day with such simplicity.

Garrulous and Gregarious

Kenly talks or sings from the time she wakes up until the time she goes to bed. At times she can be a bit whiny, but most of her chatter is highly entertaining. Here are some recent conversations that must be preserved for all eternity.

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While trying to potty last night, Kenly was flipping through a magazine. She got to an article and proudly proclaimed, "I know what this says."

Me: Oh really. What does it say?
Kenly: (pointing at the words) It says right here. I love Mommy. And right here. I love Daddy.
Me: Oh. That is really nice. Right here it says I love Kenly.
Kenly: No Mommy. It doesn't say I love me. I'm just a plain Kenly Shae.

I love my plain Kenly Shae. I wouldn't have her any other way.

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Kenly, Adam, and I had all just crawled into bed for story time. The fact that I was late on returning the library books hit me like a ton of bricks.
Me: Oh Poop.
Kenly: What's the matter Mommy? What smells like poop?
Me: Sorry sweetie. That was not a nice thing for mommy to say. I'm going to try not to say that any more, okay?
Kenly: You smell like poop.

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And just to prove that I'm still letting phrases slip that I shouldn't.....

Today we were all riding in the car together. Adam was recounting an event from the day when I proclaimed, "Holy crap." (I shudder to even type this.)

I hear this from the backseat...
Kenly: Holy crab, Daddy.
Me: I'm so sorry sweetie. Mommy really shouldn't have said that either. It's not a nice thing to say.
Adam: Yeah. Let's say Holy cow, okay?

Having a highly verbal child is an eye opening experience for me. Hearing her mimic me really makes me want to be a much better person. After all, out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.

Christmas Wish

After church on Sunday, Kenly and I stopped at Dollar General to purchase a few 2011 calendars. Our 2011 is "filling up", so we needed a way to keep up with our plans. While in the store, one of the cashiers befriended Kenly. She gave her a toy catalog so she could make her Christmas list for Santa. As we were checking out the conversation went something like this...

Cashier: Are you ready for Santa to come?
Kenly: (nodding her head yes)
Cashier: What are you asking Santa to bring you?
Kenly: (without a moments hesitation) French fries and chicken


I thought this would be an isolated incident but any time someone asks, her reply is always the same.

Placement Problem

Kenly is experimenting with humor. She's quite funny most of the time. She likes to blame using to much toilet paper on Chance or Daddy. So, I was shocked/amused when this conversation happened.

Kenly had an accident in her pant--a poopy accident to be specific. I took her to the potty and...

Me: You had an accident, and it's okay. Big girls don't put their poop in their pants. Where do big girls put their poop?

Kenly: (with a smirk) In their pants?

Me: No. Try again.

Kenly: (with a monstrous grin and chuckle) In Mommy's face?

Me: (trying to suppress a laugh) No darling. Where do big girls put their poop?

Kenly: In Mommy's hair?

Me: (with a more stern tone) Kenly, where do big girls put their poop?

Kenly: In the potty, Mommy.


This was only funny because I know she meant no disrespect. She doesn't even realize how gross the concept of putting poop in someones face is, or maybe she does. Yikes.

Am I a total failure as a mother?

A Strong Sense of Smell

We were driving to the Cracker Barrel for dinner on Sunday with the windows down. The weather was so perfect that we could not resist the feel of the wind whipping through our hair. We drove across the Mill River and the pungent odor of manure wafted through the open windows. Adam and I looked at each other in disgust.

From the back seat we heard a small voice. Kenly said, "Daddy, it smells like goats."

We're still laughing.

An Appropriate Simile

When we minimize a window on the computer, the sound effect we hear is bubbles under water. Something like you'd hear in an aquarium.

Adam was just bathing Kenly when she let one rip in the tub. Adam asked her if she tooted underwater.

Kenly proudly announced, "It sounds like the computer."

Lesson Learned

This morning Kenly and I put together a pot roast to cook in the crock pot. She helped me add the spices and all the ingredients. She looked up at me and said, "I a very good helper, Mommy." I would have to agree.

After getting dinner started, we headed off to run a few errands and to go to the library--one of the most magical places on earth. Kenly picked out two videos and four CDs and left me to pick out a million books while she tackled and mastered every puzzle in the place. The library is running a special for the month of September. If I signed Kenly up for her very own library card, she could pick out a free book to take home. So, we did. It thrilled Kenly's heart to have her own card.

While trying to get Kenly in the car, I let the door slip and the sharp corner of the car door smacked her in the back of the head. A nice little bump quickly rose to the occasion and made Kenly quite miserable. I was kissing and soothing and trying my best to calm her down. I finally got her settled and stared buckling her into the car seat. As I was doing this, I scratched her with my engagement ring which created a welt that sent her into hysterics once again.

She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, "Mommy. You be a little more careful, okay?"

Don't Push that Button

This afternoon we were playing with a basket full of Kenly's stuffed critters. She has four birds that make noise--a cardinal, a blue bird, a gold finch, and a mallard duck. She loves all of them.

She was digging in the basket looking for something else fun to play with when she sat on the duck.

Me: Kenly, you sat on the duck and made him quack.
Kenly: Yeah, I pushed the button on my hiney.

I nearly died laughing.

Wrong preposition, sweetheart, but I know what you mean.

Funny, Funnier, Funniest--Kenlyism

Kenly: Look, Mama. That's Nana and Papa's house(pointing to a fruit stand).
Me: No baby. Nana and Papa don't live there, but they do have a tent like that.
Kenly: Nana and Papa live far, far away. In Augusta.

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Kenly: I want some birthday cake.
Me: Kenly, you'll have to wait until Daddy brings you a piece. Then you can have a bite or two.
Kenly: (holding up two fingers) I'll take two.

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Scene: The Bathroom
(Kenly is sitting on the toilet talking away to Mops. Pops approaches the door.)

Pops: Kenly what are you doing?
Kenly: (getting up and closing the door in Pop's face) I tinklin'.

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Kenly: I want to play with the letter puzzle now.
Me: We have to put the number puzzle away first. Can you hand me the 8 and the 9 so we can put them away?
Kenly: No Mama. They are in time out.

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Adam: Kenly, what was your favorite part of the Farmer's Market today?
Kenly: (looking at her father like he's dense) The food.

Wanted: Lessons in Etiquette

Nana and Papa were up for a brief visit last week. The proud grandparents were relaxing on the back porch with the grandchild when I hear uncontrollable laughter. I go outside to investigate.

Papa: Do you know what your daughter just did?
Me: Not a clue. Do share.
Papa: She was sitting on Nana's lap and she let on rip on Nana's knee.
Nana: I asked her what she should say.
Kenly: I tooted.
Nana: I thought she would say excuse me.

A Little Reassurance

Adam and I went out on a date tonight. A real live date with a paid babysitter involved. I've been telling Kenly all week that Miss Ashely was coming to play with her on Sunday. Kenly was really excited when Ashely got here.

The date was lovely...Iron Man 2 and Mela's for dinner. Nothing says love like a blow 'em up movie and some Indian food.

When we got home, Ashely said all went well. She said Kenly got upset at bedtime. She gave her a bottle and then told her goodnight. This is what she heard from Kenly's room....

Kenly: Mama be back. Daddy be back. It's okay. Mama be back. Daddy be back. It's okay. Be good girl.

Ashely went back in the room to comfort her when she upset herself repeating her little mantra over and over.

Ashley: Kenly, do you want me to stay in here while you fall asleep? Mama and Daddy will be back. It's okay.

Kenly: Uh-huh. Sit in chair. Mama and Daddy be back.

Ashley: Yes. If you close your eyes and go to sleep, Mama and Daddy will be back.

Ashely said that in just a few minutes she was asleep.

What a good girl. What a good babysitter.

Lady?

Getting in the car after story time at the library today, Kenly started jabbering about something. The conversation went like this...

Kenly: I want a lady. A lady. Mommy get a lady.
Me: Huh? What do you mean?
Kenly: (pointing madly at the dashboard of the car) Mama get a lady. I want a lady. Like Papa's lady.
Me: (laughing hysterically) Mama doesn't have a lady. Only Papa. Sorry kiddo.

This is only funny if you know what a lady is. While camping, Kenly got to ride in Papa's truck. Papa's truck is equipped with a GPS system with a female voice. Said GPS system lives on the dash. While driving around, Nana and Papa would tell Kenly to listen for the lady.

According the the 21 month old crowd, AKA my daughter, GPS systems are all the rage. She feels I really need a lady. I know my sense of direction is bad, but I didn't think she had picked up on it yet....can't a mom catch a break?

Sixth Sense

The other night I was cleaning up after dinner. Adam was trying to gently coax Kenly into eating the last bites on her tray when out of nowhere she starts screaming and frantically pointing. The whole thing went down something like this...

Kenly: I see poo. I see poo. Poo.
Me: You see what? Where do you see poo? Are you talking about Winne the Pooh? I don't see poo.
Kenly: (with emphasis) I see poo. I see poo.
Adam: That might be worse than seeing dead people.


I nearly fell on the floor laughing. I love my husband.

Brainwashing

I went out with the girls last night. When I came home, Kenly was nestled in bed and Adam was watching Lost. At 4:30, Kenly started crying, softly at first and then frantically, for Mama. I went in to snuggle her back to sleep, explaining the whole time that she could not have a bottle. It was during this snuggle time that I realized that Adam has been brainwashing our child.

In the middle of our quiet snuggle time, Kenly sat up and yelled, "Go Panthers! Daddy says, 'Go Panthers!'"

You're busted mister!

Not Quite Right, but Close

Kenly isn't feeling well today. In order to distract her from her misery, we spent a little time snuggling on the couch before lunchtime. We were watching Do The Moo Shoo, a Veggie Tales DVD of silly songs. The TV was a a decent volume as Kenly was reclining against my chest. About that time, my stomach let out a monstrous growl. Kenly turned around to face me with shock and concern on her face.

Her one spoken word let me know she had noticed my stomach's growl.

She simply said...

Thunder?

Crow--Where are you?

Just a few moments ago, I was warming up a leftover taco while Kenly was playing with a soccer ball on the screened in porch. Out of nowhere, she comes flying around the corner screaming, "I find 'em. I find 'em. I find a crow." She grabs my leg and pulls me to the porch to show me the crow. If you were a fly on the wall, this is what you would have heard....

Kenly: I find 'em Mommy. I find a crow.
Me: You found a crow, did you? Where is he?
Kenly: Hidin'
Me: Did he fly away?
Kenly: Uh-huh.

At that moment a crow flew over head and let out his trademark caw. Kenly jumped up and down with renewed excitement.

Kenly: I find 'em again. Crow.
Me: Sure enough. That is the sound a crow makes, isn't it?
Kenly: I find a crow. (The crow caws again.) Laughin'
Me: Yep. It does sound like he's laughing.
Kenly: (in a lound sing-songy voice) Crow. Where are you?

So, I'm amazed by my daughter's ability to retain information. About two days ago, Adam heard a crow and mimicked the noise it made. He told Kenly a crow made a noise that went caw caw. She imitated him. And now, just a few days later, with ZERO prompting on my part, Kenly identified a crow based on its caw. Holy Jeepers. She amazes me DAILY. I also love the simple, beautiful, uninhibited excitement a crow can bring out in my child. Not too many people are thrilled with crows.