Mother's Day 2011

Adam did a smash up job of making me feel like a queen on Mother's Day. I've asked him every year to make it a tradition to do a mother-daughter photo shoot on Mother's Day. I'm almost always behind the camera, so I want to make sure there are some pictures of me for the future. He did a wonderful job of capturing the Mother's Day festivities this year. He's done a great job every year. My first Mother's Day can be seen here. My morning started off with breakfast in bed. Later in the morning, Adam and Kenly surprised me with several flats of flowers. They unloaded them while I was in the shower. Kenly was supposed to keep the secret, but she said, "Mama, come see your flowers." We spent most of the morning planting flowers. It was heavenly. We also planted a few seed kits that Kenly got for Christmas.

Kenly is showing off her seeds in these pictures.




Aren't my flowers wonderful?

I love this picture. I want to frame it and keep if forever.
I'm not a true gardener, but I love to play in the dirt once in awhile. The past two years I've gotten flowers for Mother's Day. The gift keeps giving. Every time I look outside, I am reminded of my special day.

Watering flowers is a really hard job.
I like that it looks like Adam is spying on us in this picture.
Dirty hands are a sure sign of a good time.
While planting flowers, this yellow jacket decided to sting me. It was not nice. But, I fared better than Kenly did. On July 19th, she stepped on a yellow jacket nest in the backyard. Before we realized what had happened, she had been stung eight time. I was terrified. She was hysterical. A baking soda paste, some benadryl, a bit of ibuprofen, and a fudgesicle seemed to ease the pain.However, the mere sound of buzzing sends her into hysterics now. I can hardly blame her, but I don't want my outdoorsy girl to live in fear. Poor Chance didn't fare too well either. We were thankful he was close by to take some of the heat for his little sister.
One of our Mother's Day traditions is to take a picnic to a pull off on the way to the Blue Ridge Parkway. The Davidson River babbles close by. We eat our fill of Hawg Wild barbecue.
Kenly gets one cool party trick from me...the (genetic) ability to roll her tongue.
I'm salivating just looking at the pictures, but that could be the pregnancy talking.

We always throw rocks into the river. I love this picture.
Even though he doesn't show up in all the pictures, our furry child is always close.
Adam, Kenly, Chance, and the child growing within me are my life. I love them with such a fierce love that I'm sometimes overwhelmed by the power of it all. I'm blessed to be a mama. It's the greatest title I've ever held.


When we got home from out outing, Kenly had a fever. Turns out she had been sick most of the day. Poor girl. When she's sick, she need her mama. It was nice to be needed on Mother's Day. I was able to rock her to sleep and snuggle her most of the next day.

Adam also got me Tetris Party for the Wii. We've spent many contented hours trying to destroy each other while playing. It's a gift of quality time. We talk trash and laugh while remembering out dating days. The beautiful part of this day is that I'm reminded that I married a man who doesn't wait until Mother's Day to remind me I'm doing a good job with our children. He's always grateful for what I do, and I'm thankful he can express his gratitude throughout the year.

What's Up With Whatzit?

I promise I will get back to regular posting soon. Summer has been hectic, and I just don't have the energy to do it right now. I have pictures and stories all the way back to Mother's Day that I need to post, but for now it will have to wait.

I went to the OB/GYN today for a regular appointment. My blood pressure was great, and I'm measuring perfectly, so things seem right on track. At this point, I'm 24 weeks pregnant. I have gained a whopping 5 pounds which seems amazing since I'm bigger than the broad side of a barn.I am having some slight RA pain in my right hip which makes life a bit interesting. The pain is also in the left hip, but I feel it more acutely in the right side. Dr. Simmons says that I can do some physical therapy if the pain increases, so we will just have to wait and see.

Kenly went with me to the appointment today, and she loved hearing the baby's heart beat. We are still opting to remain clueless about the baby's gender. We have a fourth ultrasound on August 25th to make sure the placenta previa is under control. The PP is marginal, so Dr. Simmons is 99.9% sure it will shift and I can proceed with a normal delivery. The pelvic rest has been lifted and I have no restrictions as of this point. I will also have my glucose tolerance test at that appointment...joy of all joys.

God is good. I'm tired and slow, but this pregnancy is going well.

In other news, Kenly will be 3 on August 9th. I can hardly believe how fast the time is flying. Here's one more picture to prove she is alive and well. I discovered this scene after one of those moments when I realized, a little too late, that she had been quiet for far too long.She colored her entire face with a blue magic marker. It looked like she was trying to apply makeup--eyeshadow, lipstick, blush...the works. Thank heavens the marker was washable. All I could do was laugh and take some pictures. She did the same thing a few days later even after the stern talking to she received when I finally finished laughing. Now markers are off limits unless she is under strict supervision. Up until this point, she could get them out when she please. No more. I think disciplining a three year old just might do me in.

Just for the Record

I love my life. I love my daughter. But, for the record, I could run away from home today. There is nothing more draining than dealing with a child who cannot be pleased by anything. Nothing makes you feel more flustered or more like a failure than getting your tush kicked by a 22 month old.

And yet...I can't wave the white flag of surrender. I won't.

Profound Responsibility

A few weeks ago, just before her half birthday, Kenly discovered my shoes in the living room. Seeing them in a whole new light, Kenly sat down and decided to wear "Mama shoes." She spent nearly half and hour walking around in my shoes. At first, I just saw it as cute, and then the symbolism near took my breath away. Here I was laughing at her stumbling around in my shoes, at her clumsy resolve to be just like mama, when the profound responsibly of that statement nearly brought on a panic attack. I want to be a woman worthy of imitation, a woman who blazes a trail through life's darkest places with the light of God's grace. But oh the failure I've faced so many times. Since that day, a Steve Green song has been ever present in my mind, a soundbite on a repeating loop.

The song is call Find Us Faithful. Someone a LRBC sang is religiously when I was a mere babe.
The words are powerful. Read a few of them for yourself.

Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful
May the fire of our devotion light their way
May the footprints that we leave
Lead them to believe
And the lives we live inspire them to obey
Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful

After all our hopes and dreams have come and gone
And our children sift through all we've left behind
May the clues that they discover
And the memories they uncover
Become the light that leads them
To the road we each must find

As I watched her try to be like me, I had to whisper a silent prayer to be a woman worthy of imitation. Then scripture started coming to mind.

Proverbs 22:6 says, "Train a child in the way she should go, and when she is old she will not turn from it." So I started thinking about what it meant to train Kenly. Sure, I'll potty train her. I'll teach her the ABC and her 123's. But to truly train a child is a daily battle. The dictionary say that to train a person is "to develop or form the habits, thoughts, or behavior by discipline and instruction." With training comes discipline, and with discipline comes frustration and sometimes anger. Little Kenly Shae is a cherub most of the time, but when she digs her heels in, we go to war. I pick important battle that involve safety and respect, but sometimes I feel as if I'm always training, or nagging to use a less positive word. The nagging aspect of parenthood brings me to another verse that keeps bouncing around in the recesses of my mind like an out of control rubber ball. Remember Ephesians 6:4? If not, it says, "Fathers (mothers), do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." Where is the line between training and exasperating?
I know that I'm going to be praying without ceasing to keep the balance between training and exasperating. The last few verses that have been "after me" the past few weeks are Deuteronomy 6:6-8--These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. I want my faith to be evident to Kenly. Not just on Sundays. I want it to be a part of my daily fiber. My heart thrills to hear her sing Jesus Loves Me. I love that she wants to hear more of Jesus Loves the Little Children. I smile when she says, "More chillrun." When we sit down for breakfast, lunch, or dinner, I find it precious that she tries with all her might to sing God Our Father. I love to hear her mimic my amen when I'm praying over her during a bad night, but I want more. I want her to feel God's power and presence when she can't wrap her arms around Him. I want her faith to surpass anything I could imagine. But I fear that my example will keep her from great faith. How often do I snatch things back from God? How often do I rely on my own strength?


So watching her walk around made me realize that I want to be a better person. I want to blaze a trail I'd be proud for Kenly to follow. So, Deuteronomy 4:9 is going to be my prayer.
"Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them."

Father,

Help me to be careful. Help me to teach Kenly about the amazing things I've seen you do in my life. Help me to a good example to follow. Help me to lean on you for the strength to train without exasperating. Thank you for the awesome privilege of carrying the weight of responsibility that comes with the title of mama.

Amen

Perspective

Last night Kenly had one of those nights, the kind that leave me sleep deprived and slurring words the next day. She cried out at 11:30, but managed to find "the trinity"--blanket, binky, and Benny--and put herself back to sleep. At 1:00 she started calling for Mama and sounding rather pitiful. I changed her soaking wet diaper and helped find "the trinity" and decided to try to put her to bed without a bottle. (Yes, she is still taking a bottle in the middle of the night.) Thus began the stubborn off. For over an hour, Kenly lay in bed making a sing-songy noise that nearly drove me bonkers. She had a 10 ounce bottle before bed, so there was no way she was hungry. I tried to bury my head. I tried to ignore her, but she won. I got up, with my blood just below boiling, and fixed her a bottle. She ate and then refused to go back to sleep. She cried for Mama. When I was just about to lose my patience, Erin and Salem popped into my head. I remembered that on Tuesday morning that precious baby (13 months old) died of complication related to croup. The detail have not been discovered yet. Only God knows what went wrong. My heart hurt, and I gained a heavy dose of perspective. Erin was probably up, sleepless and praying for just one more night of sleeplessness with Salem. She was probably bargaining....God, I'll never sleep again. I'll give my own life. Just give her back. So, I had an attitude change. I listened to the gentle grunts of Kenly taking a bottle, and they sounded like sweet music. I held tightly to my restless child who needed her mama to settle. I rocked and sang and thanked God for the precious gift he is allowing me to keep. I prayed to never have to feel the hurt that Erin is feeling right now. I told God that I'd love every sleepless night. I'd cherish the moments I have with Kenly. I'd relish in feeling her body slowly relax and drift into sleep. I'd store up every sleepy noise because these moments are fleeting.

Pride

Sometimes my heart almost bursts with pride. I took Kenly to a Christmas party on Sunday afternoon. While we were there, Kenly was at her finest. She showed off her vocabulary. She walked and ran. She twirled and kicked a ball. She was gentle with the other children. She didn't throw a tantrum. She looked adorable in her Christmas dress despite her lack of shoes. She saves her tantrums for home (most of the time), and we pick our battles around this house. Thank you very much.

While we were there, Kenly tossed around a few appropriately timed pleases and thank yous. My friends said she was so sweet. They said she was so pretty. They said she was so smart. But, the compliment that made my heart burst was when they said she was so polite.

Oh, please God, always help her to be polite.

Arts and Crafts

When I went to MOPS last month, we did a craft that I thought was really cute. You should know that I am not crafty. I sometimes have a cool idea, but arts and crafts are not my forte. We made these adorable tea light candles using only mod podge, construction paper, orange crepe paper, and baby food jars. I loved how the pumpkins turned out, and next year Kenly and I will add a Frankenstein and a Mummy to our collection. This time I'll let her do most of the work. It will be a stick fun mess.

Kenly is beginning to understand the joy of coloring on paper or on any stationary object, namely the coffee table. I, for one, am so happy she is learning to love coloring. I think the world's problems could be solved with a big box of Crayolas and a jumbo coloring book. Anyways, I digress. She has also learned to love stickers. Nana and Papa sent her two sets of stickers in a care package and she is "stuck" on stickers now. I have to spell the word if I'm talking about them and am not prepared to sit down and watch her handwork. The other day we got out some paper, her crayons, and some Halloween stickers, and we created Daddy a masterpiece. He loves it so much, it is hanging on the wall on his side of the bed. And to think...some people pay loads of money for art.

Kenly is slowly teaching me to let go of my perfectionism. For instance, the first time she stacked stickers on top of each other, I fixed it. I showed her how to spread them out all over the page. She shot me a look that said, "I see you've gone crazy. That is not how to do it at all." So, I stepped back and let her have creative license. And I must say, her art is so much better than anything I could have done myself. The part of me that cringes because she stacked 10 stickers one-on-top-of-the-other had to let go and loosen up, and I so much better for it.
Look at this masterpiece. Right now she lets me help with words and with a picture here or there, but before long, she'll be saying, "No...Me do it," and I'll just have to watch and let her go and stop being a backseat driver artist.

Family Resemblance?

People always ask us, "Who do you think Kenly looks like?" We shrug our shoulder and say, "We don't have a clue." Or we just say, "Kenly." What do you think?This is a picture of me when I was little. I was bald until I was 10, so you'll have to imagine hair. Okay, maybe I grew some hair at 3.

Here is Mrs. Brand at two years old.

Here's me again....bald as an onion, but smiling and happy.

Here's Adam chilling in a chair as a small boy.

I don't have pictures of the whole family yet....I'm working on it. BUT....

Can you help us come up with an answer to the question once and for all?

Miracle of Motherhood

As a mother, I'm amazed that you can love your children with a fierce, undying love when they are unbearably sweet and when, well, they are slightly sour. The love never wavers no matter how stormy the tantrum. That kind of love can only be designed by God.

14 Months

Fourteen months ago today you entered our lives, a bundle of perfection and a dream come true. Today you're on the go more than you're still. You're hiding and running more than you're snuggling, and you still make us marvel every day. Thank you for making us a family.

This month you're fond of eating only what you want to eat....thank you very much.

You love your shoes. If you find them on the floor, you come running saying, "Shoos."

You have even Dr. Mustoe shocked/amazed with your "understood" vocabulary. You know the names of rooms, foods, and countless other objects. Your spoken vocabulary is increasing too. You say about 20-30 words when prompted, but Mama and Dada often are your interpreters. Too everyone else, you're speaking in tongues.

You love your Benny Bunny with a fierce love. And don't think about taking your Binky on a bad day.

You're on whole milk now, but you're still using your bottle. You and your Mama are still a bit set in your/our ways.

You love to "flop" when you're angry. You often get more angry when you flop on a hard surface.

You like to hide, especially when you're naked and on your way to the bath tub.

You love to be outside.

Every morning when I dress you, I'll ask, "Does the baby look pretty in her outfit today?" This is where you go after I ask that very question.

I'll ask, "Do you love that baby?" This is your response.Whenever I try and take your picture with a flash, this is the response I get. I say you're channelling your inner Earl Hicky from My Name is Earl.

You want to know how everything work. You'll puzzle something over for 20-30 minutes. Today you wanted to know how the top fits on the Nalgene bottle.

To celebrate your wonderfulness, we gave you a bubble bath. Your very first bubble bath. I'd say you're a fan of bubbles, but I knew that already.

Thanks for 14 months of love and childhood wonder. You are priceless.

Building Something Lasting

This weekend Kenly learned that these blocks are more than colors. They're more than objects to scatter throughout the living room. To her amazement she learned that these blocks build things. These block fit together to create things. And she was hooked. Adam and Kenly built towers and houses and dinosaurs until they were both exhausted. But the Mama in me couldn't help draw some parallels. You see, they're building more than houses.They are building a strong relationship that is built on a firm foundation of trust and mutual adoration. They are learning to work together,to share, and to play nicely. All qualities necessary in a daddy-daughter relationship.

The bond is growing stronger every day--one block at a time. And the beauty is, their relationship will be much stronger than any block fortress they could ever build.

I don't want to.

I've always been a procrastinator in the worst sort of way. Need to write a children's book for my Children's Literature class in college. No problem. I had a semester to complete the project. When did I start and finish the project? The night before it was due. I wrote, illustrated, and bound the book in one night which created the need for 3am trip to Kinkos and extra money for a rush binding job. As a teacher my procrastination remained. When are grades due? If they were due at 12:00 on Tuesday, I'd turn mine in at 11:50. I rarely missed a deadline. What can I say? I thrive under pressure. At least that is what I tell myself. So, when Dr. Dephouse said he wanted Kenly off the bottle at 12 months, I shrugged and said, "No problem." How hard can the transition from a bottle to a sippy be? The answer....

HARD.

First, Kenly loves her babas. I love giving them to her. She sits still for about 5-10 minutes and lets me hold her. She plays with my hair and rubs my arm. The sound of the suction is strangely soothing....kind of like ether to my stressed mind and exhausted body. Feeding her is one of the highlights of my day.

Can Kenly drink from a cup?

Yes.

Do I want Kenly to drink from a cup?

No. My rawest, most heartfelt answer is a resounding no.

Please don't misunderstand. I want Kenly to grow up. I know how absurd it would look for her to be using a bottle on her first date. I want her to thrive and learn new skills. I want her to grow up. Just not yet. Please?

I've been thinking and praying about why giving up the bottle is such an issue for me. Why do I keep buying just one more can of formula? Shouldn't I want to save money? Why do I keep putting the "cold-turkey bottle banning" off for just one more week? I've finally come to the conclusion that I'm just being selfish. Not in a horrible way, but selfish nonetheless. I don't want the door to this era of Kenly's life to slam so soon. I feel like I missed too much. I nursed Kenly for three months, and then the shit crap hit the fan. I had goals and plans. RA decided that I would take a different route. Because of the pain of the disease, the disappointment of failing to nurse for a year, sleep deprivation of the worst sort, and some really wacked out hormones, I fell into a really dark place. The darkest place I've ever been. I wasn't me. I was a numb shell of myself. I feel like I missed the beauty of bottle feeding Kenly for a month or two.

I want that time back. I want to soak up her quiet hums and relish in the beauty of her porcelain skin instead of mourning something that was/is out of my control. I want a "do over."

But I know I can't have one. I have to relish the bottles I have left. I have to be the Mommy and help Kenly enter the new frontier--one free of bottles. It's my job, and I love every challenging, beautiful moment of it.


So enjoy the beauty of my baby growing toddler/little girl. She can melt your heart with a smile.