Toddlerhood

Does anyone else struggle with the every changing moods of a toddler? See this picture? It was taken after church a few Sundays ago. Looking at her precious smile, you'd never guess that our morning started out with a tantrum so vile I nearly gave up an stayed home. Don't let that sweet smile fool you. Home girl can cop an attitude, and quick.

Believe it or not we have a battle every Sunday morning about what Kenly is going to wear. I lay out options and I give her a choice. She picks. I help her dress. The next thing I know we have weeping, moaning, gnashing of teeth because she has decided that she doesn't want to wear the outfit that she selected. Can you see my rolling eyes? Can you hear my frustrated groans? I didn't think I'd be dealing with fashion drama until she was at least fourteen. I know it's a power play. I know she's trying to exert some control over her little universe. I understand the science behind what is going on in every battle, but sometimes I'm just battle weary. I'm tired of being consistent and being rational. I want to fall in the floor and have a big fit right with her, but I don't. At least most of the time. I endure. She needs to know that pitching a tantrum the size of Texas doesn't mean that she wins. Don't get me wrong...when it's appropriate, we let her win. This toddler phase is trying. I love her budding independence. I like that she wants to branch out on her own, even if it means that she often throws my kisses in the trash can these days. It means I'm doing my job. But, I miss my snuggle bug. The girl who thought her mama could do no wrong.

It's a good thing that I know to drop everything and embrace days like the one I captured below. Some days I'll ask, "What do you want to do today?" My heart thrills when she responds, "Let's snuggle, mama." So, we grab Benny and her binky, and we head to the big bed to cuddle the morning away. We pretend that the trees outside are creatures. We pretend that Benny is a baby deer. Kenly become the mama deer and I'm transformed into the daddy deer. We kiss and love until we are both starving for breakfast. I love when my toddler remembers that a life filled with only battle is no life at all. Love rounds things out.

Love and patience with each other make us both winners.

I Corinthians 13: 4-13
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Motherhood is a Mixed Bag

Motherhood. It's a mixed bad, you know? Just when I think I'm going to be overwhelmed with the love I have for Kenly and Adam (and Chance), a day like today will happen. Perspective. We all need it. Life can't be sunshine and roses all the time.

Last week I was drowning in the perfect moments of motherhood. Those moments when my child looks up at me with doe eyes, and says, "I love you so much,mommy." Or when she's riding home from an outing that caused me stress, and she says, "I have a happy heart, mommy." It's moments like those that fill my tanks. It makes me feel good her hear her say, "Mommy loves me so great big." I'm glad she knows how deeply I love her because today I feel like a monster of mother. I'm impatient. I'm short. I'm rolling my eyes and heaving deep sighs. I'm struggling.

Really. It's hard to keep my cool when I have to take my child to the bathroom six times in an hour long visit to the library. It's even harder to keep my cool when she doesn't produce a smidgen of poop or pee.

Then the real test begins, and she fills her underwear with sh** twice in twenty minutes when we return home from the library. She's been rocking the potty training, so why do we have days like today. Is it rebellion? Is it laziness? Is it boredom? Is it to push my buttons?

It's hard to believe that I can lose it so quickly/easily. But after a falling out and some tears, we come back together and the love fest begins again. We snuggle. We read. We laugh and sing.

Laurie Berkner is an artist for children, and she has a song that has been speaking to me about motherhood and about my child. Here are the lyrics to I'm not Perfect.

I'm not perfect, no I'm not
I'm not perfect, but I've got what I've got
I do my very best, I do my very best
I do my very best each day
But I'm not perfect
And I hope you like me that way

We're not perfect…

You're not perfect, not you're not
You're not perfect, but you've got what you've got
You do your very best, you do your very best
You do your very best each day
But you're not perfect
And you know
I love you that way !

So, we're both imperfect, but we're tacking life with love. Motherhood is such a mixed bag, but it's a bag overflowing with blessings.

Potty Training 101

It's official. We are in the throes of potty training right now. We started yesterday, Wednesday September 22nd. Kenly has been showing signs of readiness for awhile now. I've been too worried about the logistics to start. So, I refused to let myself buy diapers again. I knew if I put it off any longer, it might be Christmas before I was ready to start.

Yesterday when Kenly woke up, I dressed her in big girl underwear and put away any remaining diapers. I took her to the bathroom to show her the success chart I posted, the stickers, and the Mason jar of M&Ms. We talked about how she needed to tell me when she needed to pee or poopy. I explained that she's a big girl now, and that means that she needs to put her pee and poopy in the potty instead of in her pants.

We had breakfast and then I started pumping her full of juice (Capri Sun Water). She was so excited about the M&Ms and the stickers that she went to the potty five times in the first hour. She didn't have an accident until much later in the day.

She'd tell me she needed to potty and we'd hurry to sit on the big toilet. Every time she started to pee, she'd ask, "Is that it, Mommy?" I'd squeal and jump up and down. She'd proudly place her sticker on the chart and ask for a candy.

All in all, she had 13 successful visits to the potty and 4-5 accidents on our first day of training. I was really pleased. I was exhausted and moody by the time the day was done, but I was proud of my little girl. Running to the potty every 20-30 minutes is really exhausting. If she says she has so go, we go. Even if only five minutes have passed. I don't want to be the cause of an accident. I did have to remove the candy from the bathroom after several meltdowns that involved begging for candy. Now if she tells me she has to go without any prompting, she gets candy. One for a pee and two for a poopy.

We are using Pull-ups or Easy-ups during nap time and bed time. When I put her to bed last night, she begged me to wear her big girl underwear. I guess that is a good sign. However, she is not physically ready to go 8-10 hours without wetting, so for the time being, she will have to be okay with wearing her alternative big girl pants.

It's 7:30 now, and she's still up. So far we've had 17 successes and 4 accidents today. Two of the accidents were nasty poos, but we survived. While Adam was bathing her, she told him she needed to pee. That is so huge that I nearly wet myself with surprise. We went to swimming lessons today, and she refused to use the big potty without her seat attachment, so we're going to have to come up with a creative solution for that issue. We do have a travel seat, but the thought of taking home public toilet germs really freaks me out.

I'm new to the potty training scene, so the information I'm about to share is gross, but funny. We were reading books before nap, and Kenly was wearing her Dora Easy-ups. She started showing signals that she was trying to poo. I asked her if she needed to go to the bathroom, and she told me no. I took her to the toilet anyways. Before I pulled her pants down, I peeked to find the biggest mound of poo in her pants. She looked up at me and said, "I finished."
I wanted to see if she could do more, so I snatched down her pants only to have the monstrous bowel movement fall on to the floor. I freak and put her on the ground to try and remove the BM and she stumbled and stepped on the turd with both feet. She freaked out and tried to clean her feet with her hands. I quickly cleaned the poo off her hands and tried to put her on her potty seat so I could deal with the disaster on the floor. I didn't realize she had chucks of poo on her hiney, so I smeared poo all over the toilet seat. Long story short, we had poo everywhere, and I learned a valuable lesson. Never pull a poo-filled Pull-up down...RIP THE SUCKER OFF.

A little later in the day, Kenly made a poo in her underwear, but we managed to clean up that accident without all the drama. I should have caught those cues, but I was talking on the phone. Bad Mommy.

I'm not sure if she really "gets it," but she is doing great. On occasion I will find her standing in the living room with pee running down her legs while saying, "Is this it?" But accidents happen. This is a new skill set, and as always Kenly is a quick study.

Hopefully we'll only be home bound for about a week and then we can venture out into the world when I'm sure she understands. Hopefully she'll put her poo in the potty tomorrow. Hopefully I can remain chipper and encouraging as the days and the accidents wear on.

The best part of potty training is seeing Kenly beam with pride. She knows she's doing something great. While she was sitting on the potty today, she leaned her head against mine and said, "I love you so much, Mommy." Her love and her precious comments make all the hard work seem easy. I love being her Mommy.

UPDATE: At 2:00 AM Kenly started screaming for Mama and Daddy. I asked her what was wrong, and she told me she didn't know. I asked her if she felt wet. Bingo. Easy-ups let kids feel the wet, and the sensation really upset her in the night. She wanted dry underpants. I told her it would be a long time before Mama required her to stay dry at night. Poor child got really upset. I guess that is a good sign again, but apparently she's a bit of a perfectionist. Wonder where she got that from?

Happy Second Birthday!

Dear Kenly,

Two years ago today, you came into my life and changed it forever. You reached into my heart with your tiny little hands, grabbed my heart with a grip far too firm your your 7lbs 13 ounce frame, and taught my heart to love at a whole new level. I adore being your Mama. Staying home with you, tending your boo-boos, and watching you grow into a little girl have been some of the highlights of my life. I am relieved that motherhood has no termination date. Once you came into my life and became my child, you forever branded me your mama. I love being your mother even when the role is more than I think I can handle.

You are such a blessing. Daily you teach me about life and how to live it better. You make me want to be stronger, kinder, and more open to adventure and discovery.

I love that you start each morning by singing from your bed. How much better would my morning be if I followed your example and sang praises from bed before my feet ever hit the ground?

I love your fearless, loving nature. You hold nothing back. You love with a fervor I have never witnessed before. I makes me want to rip away the stone wall of fear that life taught me to build around my heart--to open it freely to new people without fear of being hurt or disappointed.

I adore that you find wonder in a ladybug. You squeal with delight at the sound of thunder. You marvel at the the Creator's smallest masterpieces. I want your eyes of discovery. I want my heart to thrill at the beauty of God's creation instead of being blinded by my "to do" list or my laundry list of worries.

I love your growing independence. Each day I watch your slowly loosen the apron strings ever so slightly. While everything within me wants to reel you back in, to pull you back into my protective arms, I know you have to venture out. You must be your own person. Watching you need me less is bittersweet. My heart cheers because I know that we are teaching you to be brave and independent, but I yearn for you to need me always.

I see compassion/empathy for others in the very fiber of your being. You fret about Madame Blueberry finding a new house in Veggie Tales. You frequently ask, "What happened to him?" When a friend gets upset, you can't play until you're sure he/she is okay. I love that you are genuinely concerned for those you see around you at such an early age. Don't ever lose your compassion for humanity, but please don't let worry consume you either. Find the balance.

You are by far the crowing achievement of my life. I want to see you grow into a beautiful young woman who knows beyond a doubt that God made her special. He knows you, and he has a future beyond compare just waiting for you.

I love you more than words can express. Happy second birthday, Kenly Shae.

Forever yours,
Mama