Motherhood. It's a mixed bad, you know? Just when I think I'm going to be overwhelmed with the love I have for Kenly and Adam (and Chance), a day like today will happen. Perspective. We all need it. Life can't be sunshine and roses all the time.
Last week I was drowning in the perfect moments of motherhood. Those moments when my child looks up at me with doe eyes, and says, "I love you so much,mommy." Or when she's riding home from an outing that caused me stress, and she says, "I have a happy heart, mommy." It's moments like those that fill my tanks. It makes me feel good her hear her say, "Mommy loves me so great big." I'm glad she knows how deeply I love her because today I feel like a monster of mother. I'm impatient. I'm short. I'm rolling my eyes and heaving deep sighs. I'm struggling.
Really. It's hard to keep my cool when I have to take my child to the bathroom six times in an hour long visit to the library. It's even harder to keep my cool when she doesn't produce a smidgen of poop or pee.
Then the real test begins, and she fills her underwear with sh** twice in twenty minutes when we return home from the library. She's been rocking the potty training, so why do we have days like today. Is it rebellion? Is it laziness? Is it boredom? Is it to push my buttons?
It's hard to believe that I can lose it so quickly/easily. But after a falling out and some tears, we come back together and the love fest begins again. We snuggle. We read. We laugh and sing.
Laurie Berkner is an artist for children, and she has a song that has been speaking to me about motherhood and about my child. Here are the lyrics to I'm not Perfect.
I'm not perfect, no I'm not
I'm not perfect, but I've got what I've got
I do my very best, I do my very best
I do my very best each day
But I'm not perfect
And I hope you like me that way
We're not perfect…
You're not perfect, not you're not
You're not perfect, but you've got what you've got
You do your very best, you do your very best
You do your very best each day
But you're not perfect
And you know
I love you that way !
So, we're both imperfect, but we're tacking life with love. Motherhood is such a mixed bag, but it's a bag overflowing with blessings.