I was at church on Sunday listening to Dave speak when he showed a montage of videos that included clips from this stand up comedian (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYxWcU5n15E). The sermon on Sunday talked about how we're all prone to
self-centeredness. To be perfectly honest, we love ourselves. When I look at a group photo, the first person I look for is myself.
Until August of 2008, I never considered myself a selfish person. Think about it...how selfish can a teacher be? I worked for less than minimum wage. I bought my own supplies. I lost sleep over kids that were not my own.
Then came Kenly, and I came face to face with my own, ravenous Me Monster.
I wanted to know when I got me time. When do I get to spend some money on me? When does my nap time start? Why do I have to sacrifice my body?
Almost ten months later, my Me Monster still fights for control. Yesterday she reared her ugly head again. I know that as a mother, it is my job to put Kenly before myself, but I'm learning that I do have to let go and take time for myself or the Me Monster takes over and robs me of joy. I get bitter, nasty, and miserable. I'm a better Mommy when I take some time for me. The beauty is that just an hour or two of me time can charge me up for another weeks worth of giving and sacrifice.
I find it comical that motherhood made me realize who I really am. I see myself in a whole new light, and most of the time I want to hide in the darkness. Motherhood illuminates qualities and characteristics I never knew I possessed. Some of these qualities make me proud. Others make me shudder. Coming face-to-face with my Me Monster, my weaknesses, and my faults makes me want to be better--for myself, but more importantly for Kenly. If she grows up and wants to just like her Mom, I want to be worthy of imitation.