Friday, December 12, 2008
A down day
Adam and I had Christmas potluck at our house last night with people from his department at school. It was good fun, and Kenly managed to be civil and social for most of the night. However, as soon as people left, the meltdowns began. She had such a tough night that I finally gave up and let her snuggle me in the bed from 2:30am-8:00. I think she just got overstimulated and needed a down day to recover. She's been clingy today. I don't know why, but today has been one of those days where I woke up in a bad mood. I know I have so much to be thankful for,especially the new dishwasher that was delivered yesterday, but I'm just grouchy. I could cry...okay, I am crying. I feel so selfish and I want things to be about me for awhile. I've tried to do nice things for Adam today--fill the bird feeders and make a fire. I thought maybe the spirit of giving would make me feel better, but no. The fire went out, and it just made me feel like I couldn't do anything right. Like a failure. I just feel a little defeated today--I'm bone tired. The kind even a three hour nap can't shake. I want to hide for awhile; I want to lick my wounds, even if they are small or imaginary. I want so much. Why do I have to be selfish?