Friday, December 12, 2008

A down day

Adam and I had Christmas potluck at our house last night with people from his department at school. It was good fun, and Kenly managed to be civil and social for most of the night. However, as soon as people left, the meltdowns began. She had such a tough night that I finally gave up and let her snuggle me in the bed from 2:30am-8:00. I think she just got overstimulated and needed a down day to recover. She's been clingy today. I don't know why, but today has been one of those days where I woke up in a bad mood. I know I have so much to be thankful for,especially the new dishwasher that was delivered yesterday, but I'm just grouchy. I could cry...okay, I am crying. I feel so selfish and I want things to be about me for awhile. I've tried to do nice things for Adam today--fill the bird feeders and make a fire. I thought maybe the spirit of giving would make me feel better, but no. The fire went out, and it just made me feel like I couldn't do anything right. Like a failure. I just feel a little defeated today--I'm bone tired. The kind even a three hour nap can't shake. I want to hide for awhile; I want to lick my wounds, even if they are small or imaginary. I want so much. Why do I have to be selfish?

3 comments:

Karin said...

I know that feeling. In fact I just finished my crying when I got online and saw your blog. All though my day hasn't been too bad but I am tired.

The past few days I have just felt wiped out. I've had things in the morning to do but when I get home I just feel tired and drained.

Shannon said...

You are not alone! I hate to say it, but the selfish thing hasn't gone away yet. 2.5 years after Jordan and I am still feeling the need to have my needs met. Being a mom is the hardest job ever. People say it is the most selfless thing you can do...and it is. There is no "me" in being a mom. None at all. Her needs are constant and usually immediate. You have to stop what you are doing for her. Everytime. IT is so hard. But I can promise this, you will eventually feel a tad more rested. I am convinced that as a mom we will always be tired. But after the first 6 months or so, things get much better in that department. The selfishness, however, never goes away. It is a constant battle. Cry all you want. I do it regularly.

Jennaug10 said...

Amen, to the last two posts. I still have those feelings. 8 months after having a baby, I still want my Me time, but don't get it as often as I would like or should get. It is tough when you have a husband that works night shift and has to sleep during the day for at least a few hours and even though i didn't get mauch sleep at night and don't do well with naps, I just feel exhausted from time to time. Cry anytime you need to. It is healthy and we have to do it sometimes as moms, or we will go crazy!