Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Creeping Back In

I feel and old "friend" trying to creep back into my life. I can't say I'm happy to see him lurking in the shadows, but I'm better at recognizing signs of his unwelcome arrival. Yep, anxiety is back. Robbing me of some sleep and making me just a little uneasy. I've cut my antidepressant/anti-anxiety medication in half, and I've been doing great, but the past few month/weeks have sapped my energy and emotional reserves beyond compare. Just when I think I've got things under wraps and I'm on the upswing again, something little pulls the plug on my recovering tanks, and I watch as the strength I've fought so hard to build slowly circles the drain. Lets face it. Nothing I've faced this fall even compares with last fall, but the minor battles in life can just wear you down.

Kenly has had a stomach virus, three colds, and an ear infection since August.

Adam and I have both been sick at least 3 times.

We lost Aunt Nonie.

Adam didn't get National Boards, so the money we thought would make the month-to-month so much easier didn't come.

I took a trip to Augusta to hang out the Nana, Papa, and Grandma. And while the trip was wonderful fun, my heart hurt to watch my Grandma slowly fall apart. It kills me to watch Dad and Mom try to decide what to do to preserve her dignity/independence while getting her some much needed help.

We hosted Thanksgiving. I love putting on a feast, but the fact remains that a feast creates some fatigue/stress.

I found out Daddy's P.S.A levels are up again, and they're making him wait until January for a biopsy when time could really be of the essence.

We're gearing up for the holidays and travel. While I'm counting the days, the packing and preparation of spending time away from home can be overwhelming.

Kenly still is not sleeping through the night. In fact, she's been up for 2-3 hour stretches for the past two night with no real explanation.

The sleep deprivation makes even the smallest battle seem so much bigger. I know anxiety is back, but I'm determined to fight back. Life is full of too many beautiful moments to have anxiety ruin the party.

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