I've had a few good cries. I've done a bit of cursing. I've pouted.
This morning I opened Jesus Calling by Sarah Young for a quick pick me up.
I read this...
Make friends with the problems in your life. Though many things feel random and wrong, remember that I am sovereign over everything. I can fit everything into a pattern for good, but only to the extent that you trust Me. [Romans 8:28] Every problem can teach you something, transforming you little by little into the masterpiece I created you to be. The very some problem can become a stumbling block over which you fall, if you react with distrust and defiance. The choice is up to you, and you will have to choose many times each day whether to trust Me or defy Me.
The best way to befriend your problems is to thank Me for them. This simple act opens your mind to the possibility of benefits flowing from your difficulties. You can even give persistent problems nicknames, helping you to approach them with familiarity rather than dread. The next steps is to introduce them to Me, enabling Me to embrace them in My loving presence. I will not necessarily remove your problems, but My wisdom is sufficient to bring good out of every one of them.
These words stopped me in my tracks. I heard God speak them right to me. It might sound corny, but it is true. I mean, how perfect? I claimed Romans 8:28 in a dark moment, and He showed it to me today. So, I started thinking about these words while Kenly was at preschool.
I need to befriend my problem. Give my problem a nickname. All sorts of unsavory names popped into mind, but I figured I should try and play nice. Once again, a scripture popped into my head. God's kinda cool like that. I haven't actively memorized scripture in awhile, but He can still stir up those words from long ago. He's faithful to use it when we need it. Paul's words would not leave my mind. I could not get one word out of my mind--THORN.
Here is what he wrote...
I Corinthains 12:5-10
5 I will boast about a man like that, but I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses. 6Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say, 7 or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Back in January, I made a few resolutions. I also choose one word to focus on for the year. I chose the word depend. I felt like I needed to depend on God for strength and comfort. I often find myself disppointed when my go-to people don't have what I need. I wanted to focus on looking to God first this year. Getting all I need from Him. I won't say that I'm doing a great job, but I'm trying to shift my focus.
I am weak right now. Probably the weakest I've been in a while, but maybe there is good in this. Maybe God can help me learn to depend on His power instead of my own. Maybe that's my good. Maybe this is what I need to fully learn to depend.
I'm trying to get to the point where I'm ready to thank God for RA. It even sounds crazy when I type it. Thank God for RA? I'd have to be out of my mind to do that, right? It sounds down right loopy. So for now, I'm ready to say that there could possibly be a silver lining to RA. There might be some good hidden in the middle of my hatred for this disease.
I've nicked name my RA--Thorny. Thorny is my constant companion. That is a fact. Today I'm choosing to trust that God has something good in store for me because of Thorny. I'm introducing Thorny to God. I'm trusting that He will give me the wisdom and strength to face each day, even if it hurts. I'm might have to start all over tomorrow, but today I'm choosing trust.
I'm trusting, as Ann Voskamp writes, "God is in the details; God is in the moment. God is in all that blurs by in life--even hurts in a life."
If He's in my hurts, He walking with me every step of the way.
For that I am thankful.