I did not take my child out into 10 inches of snow wearing a creative redneck snowsuit consisting of about three layers, two plastic bags, and a few rubber bands. Not me. I'm always prepared for snowy days with downy snowsuits that keep my child toasty warm.
I do not allow Kenly to wear yellow and purple bows with everything simply because I'm trying to encourage her to like bows. My daughter always matches perfectly.
I do NOT laugh every time my 17 month old announces her toots. I'm way more mature.
I did NOT have to interrupt a tender kiss my husband was giving me because I heard the unmistakable sound of crayon on wall. My precious daughter did not decide to liven up our living room walls with a yellow crayon. She did not smile proudly and say, "llellow" to announce her handiwork.
My daughter did not call my feminine products stickers while visiting the toilet with me last week. I was not impressed with the connection she made.
I do not keep repairing the crayons Kenly breaks with Scotch tape. I'm not that cheap.
I am not guilty of shamelessly bragging about my daughter's growing vocabulary. I'm not that mom. I would never tell you she knows over 200 words. Not me.
What have you not been up to?