Proud

I am proud of Adam. I am happy to report that he has been nominated for "Teacher of the Year" at his school. I know that Adam is an amazing teacher; I've know it for a decade. He teaches high school students, past their prime in language learning, to speak Spanish. I've watched two groups of students use the skills he taught to travel and speak with native speakers in Costa Rica and Mexico. I'm amazed at how confident he makes his students in their skills. They take risks; they're not afraid to make mistakes.

In addition to teaching students a language, he teaches high school students to respect and appreciate a different culture. Do you have any idea how hard that is? So many of his former students are using Spanish on a daily basis in college to open doors--teachers, missionaries, business men and women.

Adam also teaches by example. Honesty, fairness, and respect are always present in his classroom. He demands that his students strive for the highest of expectations in every facet of the classroom. He won't take less than their best.

Every one votes today. Even if he doesn't win, he will be my teacher of the year....this year and every year.

Seething

**Disclaimer--This post will use some harsh language that could be offensive. If a few four letter words will offend you or disappoint you, stop reading now.**

Today I was sitting in Regan's office skimming the surface of things like I always do the first 20 minutes I'm with her. I was talking about my RA diagnosis and the fact that future children are now in question. Regan, ever so politely said, "Rhonda, I hear you say that you're bugged by the fact that you might not have another child. I hear you say that an RA flare-up is a reality check for you, but I'm not hearing how you feel about all of this."

I paused for maybe two seconds, and then it came out.

I blurted, "I'm really pissed. Why me? I'm not supposed to get an autoimmune disease that calls my lifestyle, my hobbies, my plans into question. RA is for a 70-year-old, not an otherwise healthy 33-year-old. I hate feeling old and limited. I hate not knowing my limits. If I'm perfectly, brutally honest, I'm mad as hell. I don't understand why he would let this happen to me. Why would he bring this struggle in the midst of what should be the most joyful days of my life? I'm terrified of being crippled and deformed. I hate how the medicine affects me. I'm furious"..and then I cried.

I know that God can handle my anger, but as Regan pointed out today, I'm not sure I can handle my anger. Sometimes it rages out of control. God already knows my heart, so I need to voice my frustration, deal with it, and move on. How does one do that? How do you let go of something so big? Don't get me wrong. I'll take RA over cancer or some other horrible diseases that people far better than me face every day. I'll live with some pain if I get to live, but I just don't understand.

So, I was in bed tonight, recalling my conversation with Regan, and it hit me. My plans, my dreams, and my hopes got called into question, not God's. Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." The Message puts it this way: That's why we can be sure that every detail in out lives of love for God is worked into something good. Over and over, God tells us that he wants to help us. Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." I have no earthly idea how RA fits into the plan to prosper me, to give me hope and a future, but I guess that's the point. Maybe what God has through all of this is a plan far greater than the ones I made for myself.

I'm still mad as hell, but God can take that and make it good too. He can help me work through all of those emotions; he can help me make them productive.

I don't get it...but I guess I have to trust.

There is a children's song that says...

In your time
In your time
You make all things beautiful
In your time.

Lord, please show me everyday
as you're teaching me your way
that you do just what you say
In your time.

I hate waiting, but I "am confident of this, that he who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion." Philippians1:6

Again?

My saint of a daughter stayed in nursery again today--for 2 WHOLE hours. I got to mingle with a bunch of women at the MOPS meeting at Biltmore Baptist. Today's theme was round table discussions. I got to hear about a 20 minute workout that looks killer, going green, organization, and teaching biblical principles to children in simple, fun ways. Perhaps the coolest thing is that Earth Fare donated a shopping bag and a bamboo cutting board for everyone at the meeting today.

In just a few minutes I'm off to meet with Regan at Grace. I've been really blessed by having a safe place to go--a place to be raw, real, and brutally honest about my life. Between the happy pills and letting go of some gunk that has been poisoning me, I'm doing a ton better. I even felt like putting on lipstick and spraying my hair this morning before going to MOPS. I'd say that's a ton of improvement.

Yesterday Kenly and I met our friend Lindsey for a walk in the NC Arboretum. We sat on the bench where Adam asked me to marry him almost 6 years ago. Kenly, despite loving the outdoors, screamed through most of the hike. I think sunscreen got in her eyes. Maybe I fed her too many mashed potatoes the night before...who knows? All I know is that she howled like someone was killing her. She flopped and flailed and screamed some more. Lindsey might never want to hike with us again.

Tomorrow we are going to meet baby Patrick and hang out with Shannon for a little while.

Can you tell that we've been busy this week? I'm starting to feel a little more plugged in. Kenly is adjusting to socialization, and we're taking baby steps toward "living" again (verses existing).

I'm terrified about this weekend. Kenly and Adam are going to hang out with Mops and Pops in Boone, NC. Kenly will do great. She probably won't even miss me, but I don't know what I'm going to do with so much quiet time. I'm going to a women's conference at church--BIG HEART, BIG GOD. The conference lasts from 8:30-3:30, so I'll be occupied all day Saturday. What will I do without Kenly and Adam sugar? I might waste away. The dog and I will probably grieve together on the couch, or maybe, just maybe, we'll soak up the quiet. I might watch 10 chick-flicks. I might go for long walks or write. I might call Adam every 30 minutes....I might just BE.

Not Me Monday

If you've been reading about Stellan, you might have clicked on the ever popular "Not me!" Monday page of MckMama's blog. If you haven't, you really should. "Not me!" Mondays are times where moms can be brutally honesty and live to tell. You know...Not me...I would never do ________________. When in all actuality, you've allowed it, done it, and have, to use an old cliche, bought the T-shirt. So, here we go.

I did not let my 8 month old daughter have as many licks of my ice cream cone as she wanted on Sunday. She did not jump with joy at every sweet bite. She did not smear the evidence of what I did not do across her precious face.

While we're confessing, I did not eat two scoops of Dolly's famous ice cream even though I'm supposed to be watching what I eat and exercising. I did not savor every bite of a Rockbrook and a Tekoa scoop, and I won't do it again without a second thought if my husband suggests it.

Not me....I'm better than that.

Miracles still happen

Kenly stayed in the church nursery for the ENTIRE service today. When a number flashed, it was NOT mine. YEAH! It was too awesome to be able to worship today--praise, prayer, communion, and service. Just what I needed...

Perhaps crawling has opened her eyes to all the fun toys the nursery houses. Perhaps one of the cool kids befriended her. Perhaps she knew Mommy needed to hear just what Dave spoke on today. OR...Maybe God calmed her heart and whispered to her that Mommy would be right back.

YEAH!

Girl Time

On Thursday, I was gifted three hours of girl time with my friend Jennifer. It was too lovely to describe with words. We went to get a pedicure. We had dinner, and we went to Target for a few minutes. It felt nice to feel human again. Perhaps the nicest thing was to have a conversation without interruption. Don't my toes look pretty?

salt and sand

He might look tough, but don't let him fool you. The bait was already dead. What could be better? I have an adoring audience with the ocean for a stage.

We were on an alligator hunt when this picture was taken. Apparently it helps to find alligators if you stick out your tongue.

Isn't in amazing when nature shows you the hand of God?

Just Beachy

Kenly is thinking, I hope she doesn't put me in that water. I just know she's going to put my feet in that water. Why does she keep trying to make me like it?


















The simple pleasure in life can always be found while camping at the beach--seashells and omelets made in a Ziploc bag.















































How many different uses for a binky can you spot?

Myrtle Beach

Adam, Kenly, Chance, and I all went camping at Myrtle Beach over Spring Break. Yep....that's right. We took our 8 month old tent camping, and it wasn't nearly as challenging as we thought it would be. It was tough, but manageable. It was nice to Have Nana and Papa around to help as well. The week was really cool and rainy to start off with, but me made the best of it. I think I gained 8 pounds with all the eating we did. Adam and I ate steamed oysters twice. Nana and Papa took really good care of us--feeding us every meal, cleaning up after every meal, and letting us run away for a much needed date night. I even got to eat every meal sitting down--a rarity at our house.


Nana and Papa bought Kenly a bucket for the beach. There was only one day warm enough for Kenly to play on the beach. She liked the sand, but she still wasn't a big fan of the water.

Kenly and Nana playing on the beach. I don't know who had more fun.

Papa saved Kenly from a hot tent. She's showing her gratitude to her knight in shining armor.

Walking on the boardwalk after visiting the nature center.

Kenly loved walking on the beach when she could ride on her Daddy's shoulders.

Proof

She's still a little wobbly, but she's crawling. I can't believe how fast she is, and she hasn't even mastered crawling yet.

Eyes in the Back of my Head

When I was teaching ninth graders, I developed eyes in the back of my head. I sensed danger and trouble quicker than most, and I would boast of my early detection skills. Kenly, at 8 months, puts a class of 32 ninth graders to shame. Both sets of my eyes are always open, and she can still get into mischief faster than I can blink. She started officially crawling yesterday, so the trouble she can find will be far more wide reaching now. She still gets ahead of herself because she tries to move too fast. She'll face plant, get up, and start moving again. Up until now, she'd do the crawl motion twice and fall down. Last night I decided to test her skills. I fixed her bottle, knowing she was really hungry. I put it on the floor about three feet from her, and she crawled, as if she'd been crawling all her life, to get her bottle. There's not much a Brand won't do for food.

Here are some shots of the princess exploring her world.


Kenly loves to try and play in the dog bowl. She's only turned it over once, but I know it will happen many more times before it's all over.
One of Kenly's new favorite games is to steal toys from Chance. Right now he's a good sport, but I fear his patience may wane before it's all said and done.

When I let her, Kenly loves to empty the entertainment center of DVDs and VHS tapes. She's trying to decide if A River Runs Through It is the movie for her.

The Tazmanian Devil in action.

I don't think I'll draw an easy breath until she's at least six now. And even then, I'm sure that something will keep me ever vigilant.

Easter at the Biltmore

Easter Sunday was a lovely day filled with adventure in the Brand household. We got up and went to an Easter service at Grace. I was able to sit through the whole service because Adam took the wiggly, talkative Kenly to the nursery overflow room. It was nice to be reminded of all things miraculous and wonderful about Easter. We headed home so that Kenly could dive into her first Easter basket. Then Adam and I took Kenly to the Biltmore House for an Easter picnic with some friends. We had a lovely time rolling in the grass and eating yummy food on a blanket in the garden. Then we headed home to pack for our biggest adventure yet--camping with an 8 month old for a week.

One of the coolest thing about the Biltmore is the Easter egg hunt they have for kids. They "hide" thousands of eggs in a circle on the front lawn in a large circle. Hundreds of kids line up on the perimeter. When they say go, it's a free-for-all. Kids fill their baskets and run around with the Biltmore House in the background. It was too much fun to watch.


Kenly and I in the tulip garden.
Chis and Mary Ann playing with the princess.
Kenly took some time to smell the flowers. Please notice the bow--she has enough hair for a velcro bow.
All her eggs in one basket.
"I've had enough of all this Easter stuff. I want a nap, and I want it now."

Happy Easter!

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Whirling Dervish

Did I mention that Kenly is busy?

I Believe

Yesterday Kenly and I were listening to Veggie Tale's Sunday Morning Songs. One of the songs really hit home. Sometimes simplicity speaks to my soul. The song is called "I Believe God Can." The song goes through the parting of the Red Sea to the healing of the blind man. The refrain is simple....I believe God can. It made me think. Do I believe God can? I do...I know he can. I've seen it in my life. He can heal relationships. He can provide friends. He can make a leg full of warts disappear (don't ask). So, why is it so hard to believe he can take care of the mess in my life right now? Maybe it boils down to not feeling worthy of him. I mean, who am I to deserve such grace? Who am I in the grand scheme of things? And then a small voice reminds me that "The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.(Zephaniah 3:17)" Who wants to argue with that type of blessing? So, I'll believe. It might be faith of a mustard seed, but I'll believe that he knows what he's doing. He loves me, despite my imperfection.

Overboard

I can almost hear Kenly screaming HELP in this picture. Adam was stealing all of her neck sugar.

Kenly thought river rocks were really cool. She kept trying to put them in her mouth, and Adam used defensive measures to keep her from ingesting river rocks. However, we stopped for a picnic lunch at the Mills River on the way home, and I was changing Kenly's diaper on a blanket to keep her from rocks. I was putting the dirty diaper away when I noticed my daughter had something in her mouth. How does she move that fast? How did she get a rock when she was on a blanket? Does she have Jedi powers? I guess she is just sneaky.

This picture was taken right before my dare-devil daughter threw herself off the swing, headfirst. I grabbed her by the leg just before her head smacked the deck. The only time I've been more afraid is when she almost got her fingers in a fan or when she almost turned a pole lamp over on her head. Have I mentioned that my daughter is busy? She never stops moving. As a result, I've started using prison more often (AKA the Pack-N-Play). I promise I'm a good mommy....she's just too fast for her own good. Why do children crave danger?

Kenly got her first taste of lots of things this weekend. Mops introduced her to a small bite of Peppermint Ice Cream. Kenly was a huge fan. She also tasted bacon and a tiny shredded piece of steak. I don't think she'll be a vegetarian based on her reactions.

Smell it!

Adam often gives Kenly a new perspective on the world by putting her on his head. At the cabin Kenly added a new twist to the game. She looked at her Daddy and slid off his head and placed her tush right in his face. But, the fun didn't stop there. Kenly bent over and rubbed her little tushy in her Daddy's face. You could almost hear her say, "Smell it!" Don't be grossed out....she didn't have a poop. Adam thought the whole thing was amazingly comical.

Family

Kenly loved playing on the floor at Nonie's place. The light from the window made her look like a little cherub. I was happy I could catch the glow.
Adam loves this picture because Kenly is smiling so big she had to close her eyes. It makes me laugh just to look at it. The bags under my eyes make me want to cry though.

Kenly and Daddy holding hands.

I love my family!

Happy Birthday Aunt Nonie

This past weekend Adam and I went to Ellijay, Ga for two reasons. The first reason was to get some much needed rest and relaxation after the grueling two weeks we just endured. Adam sent of his National Board Portfolio on March 31st at 5:00 PM. We were both happy to bid it farewell. Now all Adam has to do is take SIX tests in May and then we W-A-I-T for what seems like forever to find out results. He won't know anything until next November. If he gets certified, and I feel confident that he will, he will get a 12% pay raise, and we're all for more money. The second reason we went to Ellijay was to celebrate Aunt Nonie's 79th birthday which is actually today. We headed to Atlanta and took Kenly to brunch with the Brand clan. It was a lovely day full of good times. Kenly even behaved like an angel. I think it was the steady supply of "puffs" I was giving her, but hey, whatever works to keep her from screaming in the formal dining room. Nonie enjoyed showing her off to all her friends, and I enjoyed watching so many people enjoy her.

Kenly loved Mops's necklace. Not because it was so beautiful, but because it was so darn yummy and good to chew on. From the look on Mops's face, I don't think she had a problem with the little teether at all.
Kenly thought it would be fun to have her first driving lesson on Aunt Nonie's scooter this weekend. She really wanted to take off around the block. Doesn't it look like she has a Mr. T mohawk in this photo? Adam says she has his hairline.

Aunt Nonie helped keep Kenly entertained at brunch by playing with the beloved goldfinch. Kenly adores this toy that was provided by Mops and Pops.

Mops and Kenly had a fun time playing on the floor with baby. You can see that goldfinch is never far away.

Aunt Nonie finally got to hold Kenly for awhile. Look at Kenly's chunky thigh. I could just take a bite out of it.

Girly

I just want the world to know that Kenly does own dresses. She looks stunning in them as well. The beautiful sweater that she's wearing in one of these pictures was made by one of Adam's student's grandmas. It is so soft and dainty. Turnip Town Creek...very close to where Adam and I got married.